It Feels Good!

It Feels Good!

Nov 13, 2013

I still haven’t written down my workouts – I apologize in advanced.  I just got my workout log back out, so I PROMISE I’ll be back at logging and sharing.  So, since I can’t share my [boring] workouts from the week, I’m going to talk a little bit about my body.  Ooooo, you’re body?!  That’s right.

It is no where close to where it was for my competition, and also no where close to where I want it to be.  Off season started out hard enough, but throwing in a “not lifting curve ball” definitely didn’t help.  I put on weight.  It stole a lot of my confidence and the command that I felt I had when I walked into a gym.  When I first started getting what I’m going to call my sexy body, I felt sexy.  I looked good, my body was changing in ways that I wanted it to be changing.  This emotion, this physical confidence spread to my mentality.  I walked into that gym and looked like I belonged.  No one questioned if I worked out or knew what I was doing.  No one stole my equipment from me in the middle of a set.  Why?  Because I dripped with confidence.  NOW – my body is not “sexy” – whatever that means, it does not look good – based on my own standards, and it hasn’t been changing in the ways I want it to.  But, to be honest, that last one isn’t entirely true.  I have put on muscle and I am really excited about that.  I’ve also put on fat and I’m less excited about that.  Now when I look in the mirror, I don’t feel like people see a person who obviously works out and belongs in a squat rack. (Although just the size of my ass should prove that I know what a squat is!)

Luckily, there is hope.  A lot of that confidence and self assurance that I found when I looked my best has stuck around.  It waivers from time to time and I doubt myself and what I’m capable of.  BUT.  I know what I’ve accomplished.  Maybe the person looking at you still sees your 200lb body and will judge you for it, not knowing that you’ve lost a whole 200lbs already.  People are assholes and they will not work on finding out your story before placing a label on you.  Right now, I don’t feel my best, but I’m going to walk around like I do.  Why??  Because I know her story.  I know what she is capable of and I know that I will find her again.  I’m not saying be fake, we all have bad days.  I’m saying believe in yourself.  When you walk into a weight room or a new job, walk with your head held high and your shoulders back.  You can drip confidence too, because you know where you’ve been and where you are and you’ve seen your progress.  Maybe no one else, not even family or friends, will understand just how much you’ve accomplished – but you do.  And you know you aren’t done yet.  They can judge you all you want because they have no idea what your story is, what you’ve accomplished thus far, or what you’re about to show them.  Ladies and gentlemen, walk around like nothing can stop you.  The more you do it, the more you’ll believe it – and then guess what?  Nothing will stop you.

Xoxo – Abby 😀

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